Shit happens

If you think I am gonna be talkin about the pre-exam blues which each one of us face, or our futile attempts at guessing the supposed paper pattern/expected questions, nopes, I aint gonna bore your brains with such stuff. There are more pressing matters which for some reasons have always remained unmentioned. This post is an attempt to put forth some of the unusually regular quandaries which an exam-given runs into on the D-day.

‘The diet’ - Very very crucial. Most of us, aware, that eating some junk before the big day can only but ruin the already slim chances of succeeding, end up eating really less, also the safest stuff possible (which in my case is just a can of milk). Well, if you happen to belong to this category, then you would know that the ‘tummy’ begins to growl asking for something more filling right in the middle of the exam. The paper seems a lesser and “easier to conquer” menace when compared to appeasing the demands of the holy “Lord Belly”. And If you are the “exam day-junk food/any food” eating variety, then you must be really lucky for not having had a rough-belly-exam day till now.



‘The Ride’ - God creates a lot of hurdles en-route from home to the exam hall ensuring that we stumble at least at one of them, enabling us to take our minds off the exam for a while, and get tensed about the problem at hand and worry to death as to whether we’ll be able to write the exam at all ! The Bus failure, the fight with the auto-driver who happens to take you through a little more circuitous route than the usual, the forgotten bus-pass, the ‘blessed hall ticket’ which takes off from your pocket and sails through the window while you are busy searching for your bus pass, stumbling on beggar while running after the hall ticket, (the bloody driver of )the Maruti van which transfers a lot of the mud-puddle’s contents onto your jeans, the next auto-driver who doesn’t have the adequate change/chiller and the policeman outside the exam center who doesn’t believe even a bit of your story !



‘Sweet Lullaby’ – A song by ‘Deep Forest’, which you happened to hear while mugging up some formulae in the morning, manages to linger in your head through all this madness thus far. What’s more, it stays stuck in the head all through the exam, thereby making the event of doing the paper ‘well’ improbable. Not to mention the strands of hair that fall right on the question-paper while you constantly try and pull your head (with both hands) apart trying to throw this song out.


Oh!.......Pretty woman – While searching for the bench allocated to your number, you happen to have a glance at this pretty pretty female sitting right in the front row. “Why dont such pretty people even venture anywhere near my college” is the first thought that flashes. Disaster strikes when you go and ask her(with a broad smile) about your bench’s location and she replies in this awfully croaky, loud and anti-flirtatious tone. “Glad that such people never venture anywhere near my college”, is the first thought that flashes.


Cupid strikes!!! - you figure your location, take a look around and see that the seating arrangement is two-in a bench, get seated and pray that the other person doesn’t come for the exam (a full bench to yourself is the ultimate luxury during an exam). Then, you see this mystically beautiful ‘Damsel in Distress’ (DD) rush into the room trying to figure where she has to sit. The whole class have their eyes on her, even the geeky nerds were eyeballing her through their +7 sighted spectacles. Cupid strikes, hits four love arrows in your butt making you numb to all the exam hysteria. “Love at first sight” seems an understatement. “truly, madly deeply” may be able to justify the extent of the effect of Cupid’s artillery. And what’s more, she comes and sits right next to you, giving you the ‘hi’ with a smile while all you are doing is staring at her with the jaws wide open.


Memory ‘magic’ :o – From then on, it’s downhill. Serendipity, but at such an awkward time !!!! .Cant help but have a look at the angel every once in a while, a question seems confusing, take a look at her and then get back to it and remain confused, this cycle repeating every couple of minutes. “Deep Forest” doesn’t seem to leave you alone, this attractive femme making matters worse. A question on probability gets you so transfixed that the question itself begins to talk to you, tells you “Go and talk to her, tell her how you feel, exams are here to stay, but this girl will not come back. Decide for yourself, your future is in your hands”. The mind goes all crazy, and efforts to get back to sanity by pulling your hair are frowned upon by DD. You realize the importance of buying two pens/pencils before an exam when she asks “Do you have an extra pencil” and you gladly give her one with a grin and an extended look at her.

The beginning of the end - The exam time ends, and predictably, you’ve ended on the ‘screwed-up” side of the population. DD seems pretty happy with her performance, gives you a rising smile and starts making conversation. “Wow, this is my chance”, is the first thought that flashes, and you begin talking. The both of you are almost out of the exam center when a hunk on his bike comes out of nowhere and shouts “Kavita…”, to which DD responds with an enthusiastic ‘hiiiiiii!!!!!’. “Kavita, hmmm, sweet name”, is the first thought that flashes. “Hey, have to go, was nice talking to you, here’s my email id, keep in touch” and hands you a small slip. As you see her slowly disappearing from sight, the first thought that flashes – “ was that her boyfriend? Do I have a chance?” . “Then again, such pretty girls are never free, you should be foolish to not realize that dumbo !!!” is the second thought that flashes.

‘The ride back’ – “Dejection”,one word to sum up the ride back home. What makes the ride worse is if you happen to meet some of your colleagues who have given the same paper and they begin asking “how was your paper dude?” Anyone who has done miserably would not want to talk about the paper, it’s only those who want to boast of their good performance that brag about how easy the paper was making life hell for the other people who would prefer to stay mum and rout internally in their misery.



‘The Sympathy vote’ : Once at home, the moment you declare that your paper dint go well, there’s this barrage of sympathy-oozing comforting statements from all directions, makes you wanna run away to some distant desert and never return again.

If the exam itself wasn’t tough enough, we exam-givers have to go through all these quandaries as well….oh God, hope you are listening(praying with joined hands)


Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Cut off - Kasabian

Why is it that every thing is either wrong or right ? Isn’t there an answer which can be in between them? An uncertain ‘may be’ does lie between them, but that somehow is too ambiguous and is extremely subjective. Why should there be just two sides to each coin (figuratively)? What puts me at loggerheads with myself is the time taken to move from this uncertainty to a plausible certainty. All that time, the mind goes through a whirlwind of stuff without knowing which way to go because every way seems hazy and unclear. Ambivalence is something I aint good at dealing with, something that has been toying with me all my life.

Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: The Scientist - Coldplay

I’m all bubbly, filled with excitement; it’s my first train journey. Get into the wagon merrily with my buddies, we settle in a cool deck close to the “pantry car”. The train begins and we’re giving high-five’s and thumbs up’s to each other (literally :P ) all in a jocund mood, no one except me notices a queer looking pantry staff man spying on us from a  distance. He gets a stiff stare from me, nevertheless continues to look intently at us as if his life depended on it. I get back to having fun singing and dancing ignoring that fella. After sometime, I see that guy talking to someone. WAIT a minute, I know the guy he’s talking to, that’s Donnie there! I had seen him once in the supermarket, a friend of mine who was right next to me then had told me that Donnie was a funny guy and his blogs were quite good. What is Donnie doing talking to this fellow? I see Donnie giving the guy some money, something’s wrong here. The both of them come charging towards our group. In an attempt to begin a  conversation, I say “Hi Donnie!”.

 

He doesn’t respond, on the contrary, grabs hold of my neck, pulls me out of the huddle and yells “PERFECT!!!”.

 

He drags me all along the pantry car holding my neck ever so tightly all along. Why is he doing this to me? I try to break free but he’s too powerful. I  want to scream but I am all choked up, no words coming out of my mouth. Why isn’t anyone helping me? Can’t they hear my cries?

 

After we reach the end of the wagon, he relaxes his hold on my neck. I open my mouth to shout at him when, with a sudden jolt I feel drained. Begin feeling weak, am in a daze. Hear Donnie saying - “Life’s a bitch! Why can’t I get her out of my head? I want to move on but that’ll never happen! Why, because I am screwed, that’s why. Why can’t she like me like I like her?”

 

Saying all this to himself, he looks at me, and before I know it, I feel even more drained. Have no strength left to speak. What’s he doing to me? Never felt so weak and weightless all my life! Donnie grabs my neck tightly, screams “Fuck YOU !!” and pushes me off the train! Here I lie, wounded in the bushes along side the track.

 

Who am I ? I am your regular MIRINDA 500 ml Pet jar :)

Current Mood: Screwed
Current Music: Tap the Bottle - Young Black Teenager

                                  

Stuff that happens to you when you are broke.

 

1. Whenever you meet anyone you know , you’ll visualize them as a big bunch of green dollar bills ( you think of dollars and not rupees coz it somehow sounds cooler – the U.S effect )
2. You become an ‘expert Scanner’, swim through all your draws for the oh-so valuable ‘chiller’ that’s left in ‘em.
3. Hair needs a wash, shampoo needed big time. So, gather all the chiller you can possibly see, go to the store only to find that you have fallen short by just one rupee, your favorite brand seems so out of reach now. Can actually see it waving you good bye from the shelves. Settle for a third rate brand which has the picture of a girl with slices of lemon and mint on her head, MAN !!! The worst part is when you open it and it starts smelling like Mango!
4. So wish the talk-time on your cell could be converted back to cash.(Wondering how the money for a phone recharge - that’s another BIG story all together)
5. Every meal of the day requires pre-planning, search for a Source or Scan for chiller :( 
6. Start praying that you win one of those online lotteries, wanna try your hand at double-struck, but even that guy wont accept ‘chiller’ :P
7. Start using detergent sparingly ( ditto of Kamal Hassan in ‘Pushpak’ – soap water only for the underarm sections of the shirt )
8. Your debts with the newspaper guy reach new heights. So much so that he wants you to work under him now, throwing newspapers @ 6 AM daily.
9. Your gal wants to meet you tomorrow, is expecting a treat from you and here you are all broke, sitting on and watching a pirated CD of ‘Broke back Mountain’.

 

Luck seems to have deserted some of us, it’s like Ganguly’s sweet timing, existed once upon a time, is’nt visible anymore.

 

 

Current Mood: Itching For One
Current Music: Paradise city - Guns n Roses

Here ‘s the deal. The girl you like, so much so that you spent sleepless nights over preparing lines to say to her whenever you meet her the next time. No,  these lines are not the special proposal lines or the cuddly wuddly flirty lines, but the absolutely normal non-reasoning-conversation-builder lines, because you stutter and your mind goes blank when you see her. Writing stuff down and memorizing them, just so that when you meet her next, you make the conversation worthwhile, because you hardly get to meet her c/o your hectic schedule. Never did you prepare so much even for the toughest of your examinations, you may never have encountered exam fear, but this is nothing like that. The “damsel in front - inability to yap” syndrome is not so uncommon, but the way you handle it is like the most peculiar way in which it will ever be handled :P . You like her beyond reason, want to see her smile, want her to give you some attention and all the exam preparation is in view of passing this “All Clear Test”. The test is called so, because if you pass the test, you are given the “all clear” signal to fly in the skies of infinite bliss and happiness, unaware of anything else going on with the world.

 

But this test is far more complicated than you think it is. Any exam will have a certain timing, a fixed paper pattern, previous year’s papers (they are a BIG help ;)  )  but here, there’s no clue as to when the test will start, you can call it a POP-test, coz the ‘femme fatale’ can POP up right in front of you at any moment. Forget about the fixed paper pattern, as for the previous year’s papers, haven’t found others who have written this test before (earnestly hope someone who reads this actually has taken it , plzzzzzz ).

 

 So, you sleep at day break, wake up at sunset , have a headache coz of the irregular and excess sleep, rush to the mess to get some coffee to clear all the clogs in the head. You pay for the coffee at the counter, take the cup of hot brew-aroma spewing Nescafe and turn around to see HER. She’s right in front, so close in fact that you start shivering. A sip from the Styrofoam cup would have helped to calm the nerves a little, but she gives you no time.

 

She : What do I do to get my passport made? I want to write GRE in September, what all should I do to get my passport made?

 

You : uhhh…..hmmmm…..a passport ? hmmmm….uhhhh

 

She : jaldi bathao naaa…..

 

You keep scratching your head, trying to search for answers which don’t seem to come out, coz no part of the brain is working. You try to think of the various memorized lines and see whether any one fits the bill in this situation, but you get bowled. There’s no solution.

And then you blurt out – India ke bahaar jaana khai kya ?

 

She : Obviously, what an answer. Now tell me will you help me in getting my PP made?

 

You : I …..I…..I……don’t know anything about it…….ummmmm, I….I….may not be of much help……..u know……….

                                                     

In the meantime, a friend of yours and hers comes by, he’s the guy with all the answers always. She catches hold of him and tells him about the PP issue.

 

The Friend : I am getting late to a meeting, but if you are ready to walk along with me uptil there, I can tell you the whole thingy in a  precise and concise fashion. (What a loser, who talks like this.You are bloody angry with him, but as usual, stay silent)

 

She : Chalo, I have no other work anyway, will walk along with you. ‘Choooo chweet’ of you to help me. come lets go, you’ll get late otherwise. ( Damn, you hate it so much when someone else gets that kinda mushy praise,  so wish it were you who'd be gettin that)

 

You : ummm…..uhhh………bye……… (did she even hear this ? )

 

And there you are, all cold, be it the coffee, or the mind, all gone numb. There she goes away again, leaving you pondering over what is it that should happen to make things work…..as usual, nothing comes to mind, you order another coffee and say “Life goes on”…………..

 

 

Hal ticket Number - IC – 302

 

POP-test no : 1038

 

Result : FAILED – This student should be put under probation and a special award has to be given to him because  his outstanding score has been recorded in the “All time lowest scorers Hall of Fame”.

Current Mood: Angry
Current Music: Dream Lover -Lobo

Chris, the hunk on his way to the dungeon people call a lecture hall, realises he's late. Enters in through the back door,sits on a squeaky bench which attracts undue attention."Why me, why do i always get the squeaky ones??" , he wonders. As usual, he isn’t able to make head or tail of the lecture, seems LOST. He tries to stay awake with all the strength left in him.Looks at his watch, scratches his head, gives his neck some workout, stretches his legs, sends his friend an SMS and looks at his watch again only to find that one ONE single minute has passed since the last time he’d seen it. The professor seems to go on and on endlessly, Chris is clinging on to dear life, trying to stay awake and come through this ordeal Alive!

Then suddenly he gets a reason to stay awake - A girl sitting just behind him, in the next row, coughs. He’s got a mission now, to find out “Who’s that girl ?”. Thinks for while, cant turn right back as it would make him look silly, so realizes that he needs to accomplish the task with the limited neck-rotation range. Time’s not a problem, it never is when you are in a lecture hall, coz the clock just stops ticking :) Now starts to think of ways, gets very weird ideas. Takes his left wrist (he sports a watch on his left hand) close to his face and starts tilting it in such a way that the reflection of the glass frame zeroes in on her. But does take care that he doesn’t make his viewing efforts obvious to the girl behind. The watch rotation strategy works, but only partially, the IMAGE is’nt clear, it’s all blurry. All he could make out of it was that it was a fair female with long hair…..”hmmm, that reduces the list of suspects ;) “ he thinks., that’s coz many of the gals in his class are of the bob cut/mushroom cut variety.

Ponders for a while , hears her cough again, so is even more eager to solve the mystery, listens to the prof for a while (courtesy sake :P) as he is still on the lookout for a way. Sees the guy in front has a pair of sunglasses (the reflective kind) in his bag. Do anything to stay awake and not listen to the lecture ,that's always been his motto. He takes the glasses out, and thinks “aah, this will do the trick, these shades will gimme a picture of the princess sitting behind…”. So engrossed is he in his musings that he doesn’t notice the professor standing next to him all this while.

Prof : GET UP !!

(Chris does slowly , with the squeaking chair making his rise even more dramatic :P)

Prof: What are you trying to do?

Chris thinks “Should I tell him hehe? He’ll commit suicide if he knows the scant attention I am paying to his lecture, being busy on a girl quest instead…..hahaha, I’ll remain silent”.

Prof : Please leave the class.

Chris bends to take his books, then turns around to leave from the back door. Manages to steal a glance at the female behind, whom he was trying to figure out for all this while. Turns out that it was Reggie….Oh so beautiful Reggie! He had a liking from the time he had joined college. Gets a big smile from her and walks out like a victorious warrior :) “Mission accomplished and done with the lecture too!” he muses as he walks out. What made it still magical was the killer smile she gave passes at him in the end. Begins to wonder “ May be she did notice all my efforts, may be she does want me to notice her…Naah! Be the pessimist you are, just stay away, you cant take girls! …. But that one smile has made my day”.

Footnote :
Remembered this SMS that I got off late.

Barkha Dutt(the NDTV interviewer) ask some boys,

Q. What do you guys do to get a girl’s attention?
Ans: We have to ride bikes, learn to play the guitar and drums, get our hair streaked, get muscular going to gyms, follow them like dogs….Damn , the list is too long, and embarrassing too :P.

She asks a group of girls ,
Q; What do you girls do to get a guy’s attention?
Ans: Just smile once and he’s all yours :)



Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: The paleolithic khaitan FAN and my roomie snoring

Howz the title ? This is my current financial position. Being the negligent self-absorbed floater that I am, I misplaced / lost 7 grand(7 thousand bucks) from my hostel room. This is by far the biggest amount I have lost in my entire life. This one act of utter negligence is going to impact every decision I take hence forth.

It’s the first time in my college life that I take out so much hard cash from my account and I bungle it up. I distinctly remember having placed the money in the top shelf of my closet. I never ever leave the cupboard open, always have it locked. Rahul, my roomie always made fun of the way I am possessive and secretive coz I lock all my stuff up. I must have left it open for about an hour or two the day before yesterday and that doesn’t mean I left the doors open, it was bolted, not locked.

“How can you leave the cupboard open with so much money !!! Very irresponsible bey you are. How is it that only you lost the money, no one else has till today ?? ”, is what every guy I tell this to tells me. Already in a state of shock, how can I tell them that “Hello ppl, you guys are further fucking with my head, please leave me alone or listen to my plight but don’t make these stupid statements”. Not one, not one guy told me to get over with it and that such things happen. Yeah, Anshul was a guy who gave me the right advice and brought me back to the state of normalcy, otherwise, I had’nt eaten anything for 2 days almost I guess.

My guilt is eating into me, for this is a huge huge loss. Losing money is so easy, earning it is so so tough. How the fuck did I manage to do something like this? What do I tell mom and dad, who are toiling away spending on my education. Should’nt it be my duty to reciprocate by being responsible enough to handle money!
----------------THE END-----------------------

Just got this extract from an old diary I got, am keeping myself in check that I still remember and respond to each and every situation in life conscious of the fact that I did a big mistake and the only way to learn from it will be to constantly analyze each decision taken hence forth.


Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: Zero 7 -In the Waiting Line

• Main
• archives
• Albums
• Links
• Admin

Powered by TagBoard Message Board

Name URL or Email Message (smilies)

web counter

«	December 2011					»
Mo	Tu	We	Th	Fr	Sa	Su
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	31

• Quandaries of an exam-giver
• Right or Wrong !
• PERFECT!!!
• Broke back Diaries
• Result : FAILED !!!!
• The Missy behind
• 7 K Under (Dated 26th sept 05)

• Personal [7]
• Writing [0]
• Poetry [0]

• RSS 0.90
• RSS 1.0
• RSS 2.0
• Atom